I dont know when I will be back. Or if at all. But right now its just somewhere I cannot be. Ive had my keto profile for about 3 years now and I feel like its all been for nothing. I think in these three years people have forgotten that I am a person. A real person with a life, feelings, thoughts, opinions and rights. Rights to post whatever I feel like and in no context but my own. And people are so quick to flip the switch when you choose to do something out of the norm. I feel like some people think they have a right to dictate what I do and have their own opinion about what I post and how my life should be. So the second I try to do something for myself, or change something, all hell breaks loose and I catch nothing but flack for it. It hurts me to no end that someone can be the shittiest person to me and say the most cruel shit to me, and thats TOTALLY OK. But when I try to defend myself im the bad guy. Of course Im going to be on the defensive when someone is attacking me. Especially for no good reason. No one can sit there and say they wouldnt be if it was happening to them. It’s easy for people to say “don’t worry about”, “just ignore them”. Do you know how many times I’ve done that? Tried that? It’s wears on you. Chips away little but little until you feel like complete shit about yourself because your constantly attacked over the stupidest things. Over these years ive had to thicken my skin just to be able to be online. I cant even begin to tell you the messages and comments I have to weed through daily of people being hateful just because they can. So I have grown unsympathetic to anyone who is trying to bring negativity and hate to my page. Social Media is a funny animal that way. Its completely acceptable to be an asshole, call people names, tell someone their wrong, shove your opinions down their throat. But the second you fight back, you are the worst of them all. It makes zero sense to me. Its a place that just doesnt bring me happiness anymore. I’m just a girl on the internet. A girl that can so easily be made fun of by insignificant humans who have nothing better to do with their time than tear other humans down by one snippet they happen to walk in on. What they say or do has nothing to do with my worth of the kind of person I am. I am content with the type of human I am and what I have done and will do with MY life. Everything else is just static.
I feel like im ending a relationship with someone. One that is/was extremely important to me. This was all more than just an Instagram profile to me. My heart is truly broken that it has come to this point. This community used to be the brightest spot in my dark life. I gave so much of myself and my time to thousands of people. Giving advice. Giving support with keto. Providing recipes and meal ideas. Building relationships and trust. Because I wanted to help people and share my passion for keto. But all of that gets so easily forgotten. Im physically and mentally exhausted from trying to live my life and just do what feels right in my own choices. I guess my mistake was trying to share that as well. I’m going to miss so many people. Women I looked up to. Connections I’ve made. People who were always there for me. But the bad has finally started to outweigh the good. I’ve got way too many other important things going on in my life right now to be dealing with all this drama every day. I want to be able to freely explore other ways of eating without being greeted by an argument. I just want to be free, live my life and find some goodness again. I’m going to turn my full attention to my wedding planning and my business.
Here’s to hoping that one day people can see the weight of their actions.