no title, just words

Depression has got me channeling my emo side. ha..

Did you go through an emo stage? I don’t think I ever outgrew mine actually. Im still quite weird and dark when no one is looking. Ill wear a certain necklace, shirt, etc; underneath so no one knows its there but me. It makes me feel like a super hero in their everyday disguise. But really Clark Kent, you’re not fooling anyone with those fake glasses. Do they even have lenses?… mine do. Ya jerk.

Honestly, my whole blog and instagram makes me feel like a super hero in disguise. People at work don’t know what I do outside of here.  Or if one or two know, they don’t know how to find me.  I like it that way.  Its like my little secret. I like it that way. Is it weird that i’m somewhat embarrassed by something that bring me so much joy? My parents know I blog and cook and am working on a book and such. But I’ve never told them the name of it. This is like my sanctuary. I don’t want the real world to find me.

Oh, FullSizeRender (24)depression. You’re such a funny little monster. One bad day turns into a never ending repetition that lasts for weeks.. even months.  Sometimes longer. I have taken anxiety meds since I was 14.  Only to be followed by anti-depressants a few years later. Don’t get me wrong. They have saved my life. Many times over. With as much money as I have spent on treatments over the years, I probably could have paid for a brain transplant by now. That would be great actually… Or maybe just half a brain transplant. I’d like to keep the part that makes me good at cooking. That part can stay.

I hope my kickstarter funds. I want to spend my days making new recipes. I want to live in my happy place. One step at at time though, right? Im working on a cookbook. Did you know that? I haven’t told a lot of people. I think I was scared that I would give up half way through. But its actually coming along quite nicely. I will finally get to birth a child. A child made of ink and paper. It’s going to be glorious.

I apologize, Clark Kent. You’re actually a pretty swell guy.