Ramble 

I realize just how much time I spend criticizing myself in my head. 
So much that I can’t even focus on what’s in front of me. Why are you like this? Why can’t you manage your weight like you used to? You’re disgusting. You’re a disappointment. Why did you wear this outfit today, you look horrible. You look fat. Sit up straight. Why are you slouching. It makes you look fatter. Stop thinking about shit that happened forever ago. It doesn’t matter anymore. But wait, it does matter. Concentrate on what they’re saying to you. Don’t tune them out. Pay attention. Ask a question. Show them you’re paying attention. Stop slouching. Did you remember to answer that email? Fuck. Answer that email. Why didn’t you take your meds today? Take them when you get home. Where is your motivation. Why are you so unhappy. 

I live inside my mind. 

I feel like I’ve missed out on so much in life. I thought meds were supposed to help me with that. I feel let down in a way. 

But I press on. Willing myself to take them at the proper times each day. Hell, sometimes just willing myself to take them at all. Patterns just aren’t my thing apparently. 

The internet is a scary place. I used to feel so free and happy about posting things or talking about certain things about myself to friends and vice versa. we were all just forming friendships and support; Building a family. But now I feel nervous sometimes to open back up like that. The feeling in the back of my head that you’re just being judged. It sucks to think you can’t please everyone. Like it’s my own shortcoming. I just want everyone to be good. 

I just want to have fun again. I’m tired of things always being so serious. My journey was so much easier that way. I stayed on track more. Creating recipes excited me. I wasn’t as depressed. I had a purpose. Now I just feel like a nuisance. 

So you say, alright. This is it. I’m gonna take a break for a little while. Go be ME. But seriously what the fuck does that even mean. Sure, I have way too many hobbies but my passion IS where I choose to put it most. But how does that define? I live with this overwhelming feeling that something is missing. But can never quite figure it out. But the internet gives me gratitude sometimes. Often gives me joy. So we all come back. It’s become a psychological drug. 

Hi, if you’ve made it this far and you’re new here? Hello, I live with depression, high anxiety and I’m bipolar. PCOS and gluten intolerant. We all have our shit I guess. 

Are you uncomfortable now? 

It’s ok, I am too. 

I think I change my hair so much because I’m waiting for that right color that makes me feel complete. Confident even. The adventure is fun though. The never ending search for contentment. 

How do you get that fire back. How do you stop feeling like a failure. How do I get myself to stop getting up and eating cereal in the middle of the night. I feel like a brick wall that’s been smashed into by a speeding car. Oh wait… bad analogy. But still time consuming to reconstruct. I need to reconstruct. 

I need to reconstruct. 

6/19/2017 Keto Restart (entry 1)

Sheesh. What a year it has been already. Without dwelling all over again, I was in a car accident in April. And ever since then my diet has suffered. It’s not that I gave up, I just became complacent. At the beginning of my week I jumped right back in the cold water. No toe dipping for this chick. It’s all or nothing. Always.

Restart Weight: 165.8

What I ate:  Monday – Eggs with butter and cream cheese, chicken broth, half a pork chop, asparagus with parm cheese and half an avocado with onion and tomato.  Tuesday – A pepperoni Real Good Pizza with an egg on top, a Hardees lettuce wrapped burger with a side of orange and yellow peppers. Wednesday – A salami, cheese and olive snack pack, baked chicken breasts.

The transition back has actually been easy. Just like riding a bike. And its where my heart is anyway. So lets do this!!!!! I’m not really going to announce this yet on my other platforms as i’m getting my bearings back, as to not disappoint.  But I will be keeping track here and doing daily entries!

Til Tomorrow!

Spinach Balls 

It seems that every yummy recipe calls for bread crumbs.  So I had the idea to make some out of almond flour while simultaneously using up a bag of spinach before it passed it prime.  The result was quite glorious…. 

What you will need for the “Bread Crumbs” — 

2/3 cup almond flour 

2 tbsp melted butter (I used Kerry Gold) 

*mix both together until crumb like texture; bake at 350 for 20 mins – stir; bake for additional 10 mins.  Set aside to cool and “dry” out. 

What you will need for the Spinach Balls — 

6 cups fresh spinach leaves 

3 eggs 

1/2 cup shredded cheese (I’m sure any would be delicious; I chose to use a white Italian blend)

1 tsp garlic powder 

1 tsp seasoning of choice (I used McCormick Montreal Steak seasoning) 

1/2 tsp salt 

& the bread crumb mixture 

*I heated a pan with half a cup of water and wilted down all of the spinach; drained on a paper towel. **make sure to squeeze any remaining water from the spinach before adding it to the other ingredients. I made the rook mistake with half of it before I realized my mistake** 

Combine all ingredients together until mixed completely; use a spoon or cookie scoop to form balls.  Bake at 180 for 20 mins; then raise heat to 350 and bake an additional 15 mins. **baking at the low temp first will help dry them out without burning them** 

These turned out way better than I had anticipated! I mixed up a little dipping sauce too with some sour cream, lemon juice and Montreal seasoning! Enjoy!! 

Srirachoy Is Here!

The time has FINALLY come!!!!! My sauce is finally available!!!!!! It all still feels like a dream! I don’t think it will feel real until im in the kitchen this weekend making up my first giant batch!!! I cannot thank everyone enough for seeing me through this entire process and always having my back! I can’t wait to see where this takes us!

You can purchase a jar on my new website! http://www.Srirachoy.com

If you don’t know about Srirachoy yet, It’s a low carb/keto friendly sauce that I have created! It’s a sweet and spicy combination suitable for meats and veggies! I’ve seen folks use it as a dipping sauce, dressings, etc.  It’s possibilities are only limited to your imagination!

Spinach & Onion Omelet 

Well, it’s more like a .. crepe pancake? I just don’t know what else to call it.. 😏 

Ok! Put some Kerry Gold salted butter in a pan with some chopped red onions on medium heat and let them cook until they start to brown. 

Tear up a few leaves of spinach and spread them evenly over the onions. 

Beat 2-3 eggs and add them over top of the onions and spinach.  Let that cook around 5 mins or until brown … or when the egg on top is just barely cooked.  That’s when it’s time to flip! Then let that cook for like about another minute.  Vwala!! 

Enlightened Ice Cream Review

I honestly have no idea how I got selected to receive a giant box filled with ice cream, but I ain’t even mad about it.  When I opened this box I had no idea what to expect inside. I had briefly read about the new flavors, but since none of my local stores carry the pints, I shielded myself from such envy.

img_1275 I was so excited to see such a variety of flavors. I immediately cracked open the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough… and then read that I needed to let it soften.. pfft… so I stuck it into the microwave for 15 secs haha worked like a charm.  My goodness! It was delicious! I got about a quarter through the pint when I realized I could taste the Erythritol. I saw it was one of the ingredients, but felt it would be ok since I can’t usually taste it in cold products since it’s fitting with the cooling effect of Erythritol.  But for the average person, this is no concern.  I’m just super sensitive to it for some reason, and in certain products it will give me migraines; but nonetheless it did not keep me from enjoying every last bite! .. and with no migraine! So, A+ guys.

The next flavor we tried was the Caramel Oatmeal Cookie Crunch. Oh yasss babes. This one was UHmazing. My fiance and I were literally fighting over spoonfuls of it.

The Triple Chocolate was very tasty at first, a very strong chocolately-fudgey flavor, but the Erythritol was pretty strong on this one.  Enough so that my fiance could also taste it. I didn’t venture too much further into that one.

img_1422

Next up was the Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip. Just a good ol’ straight forward yummy ice cream.  Not mind blowing, but not bad. A tasty enjoyable experience for the peanut butter lover.

The Sea Salt Caramel was one that was emptied first. That one was most enjoyed by my fiance.  He says that one was his favorite out of the bunch. I enjoyed it as well, save for the Erythritol flavor after a few bites. But the caramel swirls were the very best part.

Mint Chip is just stupid delicious. Any kind of mint chip ice cream has been my favorite since I was young. This one was super creamy but not overpowering as the Halo Top mint chip is, in my opinion. A big thumbs up on this one.

And last but certainly not least… My favorite one! the Frozen Hot Chocolate ❤ ❤ ❤ oh myyyyy.  This one guys, incredible. Chocolate ice cream with chocolate chips snuggled around creamy marshmallow swirl. I was in heaven. To my delight, I also didn’t notice any Erythritol flavor whatsoever. I even had to read the ingredients a couple times to make sure I didn’t miss it. I don’t know how they disguised it in that one, but good job guys. By far my favorite of the bunch!

img_1425 Yeah. That happened. I wasn’t letting any of that one go to waste!

So the verdict! – If you want an indulgent ice cream, these are def for you. How do they compare against Halo Top?  Honestly, I can’t pick one over the other. They both have certain qualities on their own. Halo Top has a more light and refreshing texture/flavor.  While the Enlightened flavors are more decadent.  Halo Top does though offer a lower carb count, if that is important to your lifestyle. But the carb count on the Enlightened pints are just as reasonable if eaten by the serving size. Which is actually pretty damn accurate.  Due to the richness of the flavors, the serving size is exactly how much you will find yourself wanting.  Overall, def a good product and im so happy I got to try it!

 

Chocolate Cream Cheese Cake Bars 

These started out as an idea for cookies. Then as I mixed things, my idea turned to brownies. Then after baking, they were cake like haha oh the glory of testing new recipes! But! They are delicious nonetheless. 

What you will need: 

1 8oz block cream cheese

2 eggs 

1/4 tsp baking powder 

2 tbsp vanilla extract 

1/2 cup almond flour 

1 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder 

1 tsp cinnamon 

1/2 cup granular sweetener 

Espresso powder for topping 


Start by combining the cream cheese, sweetener, baking powder and eggs with your hand mixer. 


Mmmmhmmmmm… 


Add the cocoa powder, cinnamon, vanilla, mix; then add the almond flour and mix until thick! 


Poor the mixture into a greased baking dish! 

Bake at 350 for 25 mins; let cool and refrigerate for an hour or more (let it get completely cold and firm). 

Cut into squares and enjoy!! 

2.4g carbs • 1.1g sugar • 0.7g fiber • 4.6g protein 

Makes 9 bars, serving size is 1 bar.