Ramble 

I realize just how much time I spend criticizing myself in my head. 
So much that I can’t even focus on what’s in front of me. Why are you like this? Why can’t you manage your weight like you used to? You’re disgusting. You’re a disappointment. Why did you wear this outfit today, you look horrible. You look fat. Sit up straight. Why are you slouching. It makes you look fatter. Stop thinking about shit that happened forever ago. It doesn’t matter anymore. But wait, it does matter. Concentrate on what they’re saying to you. Don’t tune them out. Pay attention. Ask a question. Show them you’re paying attention. Stop slouching. Did you remember to answer that email? Fuck. Answer that email. Why didn’t you take your meds today? Take them when you get home. Where is your motivation. Why are you so unhappy. 

I live inside my mind. 

I feel like I’ve missed out on so much in life. I thought meds were supposed to help me with that. I feel let down in a way. 

But I press on. Willing myself to take them at the proper times each day. Hell, sometimes just willing myself to take them at all. Patterns just aren’t my thing apparently. 

The internet is a scary place. I used to feel so free and happy about posting things or talking about certain things about myself to friends and vice versa. we were all just forming friendships and support; Building a family. But now I feel nervous sometimes to open back up like that. The feeling in the back of my head that you’re just being judged. It sucks to think you can’t please everyone. Like it’s my own shortcoming. I just want everyone to be good. 

I just want to have fun again. I’m tired of things always being so serious. My journey was so much easier that way. I stayed on track more. Creating recipes excited me. I wasn’t as depressed. I had a purpose. Now I just feel like a nuisance. 

So you say, alright. This is it. I’m gonna take a break for a little while. Go be ME. But seriously what the fuck does that even mean. Sure, I have way too many hobbies but my passion IS where I choose to put it most. But how does that define? I live with this overwhelming feeling that something is missing. But can never quite figure it out. But the internet gives me gratitude sometimes. Often gives me joy. So we all come back. It’s become a psychological drug. 

Hi, if you’ve made it this far and you’re new here? Hello, I live with depression, high anxiety and I’m bipolar. PCOS and gluten intolerant. We all have our shit I guess. 

Are you uncomfortable now? 

It’s ok, I am too. 

I think I change my hair so much because I’m waiting for that right color that makes me feel complete. Confident even. The adventure is fun though. The never ending search for contentment. 

How do you get that fire back. How do you stop feeling like a failure. How do I get myself to stop getting up and eating cereal in the middle of the night. I feel like a brick wall that’s been smashed into by a speeding car. Oh wait… bad analogy. But still time consuming to reconstruct. I need to reconstruct. 

I need to reconstruct. 

6/19/2017 Keto Restart (entry 1)

Sheesh. What a year it has been already. Without dwelling all over again, I was in a car accident in April. And ever since then my diet has suffered. It’s not that I gave up, I just became complacent. At the beginning of my week I jumped right back in the cold water. No toe dipping for this chick. It’s all or nothing. Always.

Restart Weight: 165.8

What I ate:  Monday – Eggs with butter and cream cheese, chicken broth, half a pork chop, asparagus with parm cheese and half an avocado with onion and tomato.  Tuesday – A pepperoni Real Good Pizza with an egg on top, a Hardees lettuce wrapped burger with a side of orange and yellow peppers. Wednesday – A salami, cheese and olive snack pack, baked chicken breasts.

The transition back has actually been easy. Just like riding a bike. And its where my heart is anyway. So lets do this!!!!! I’m not really going to announce this yet on my other platforms as i’m getting my bearings back, as to not disappoint.  But I will be keeping track here and doing daily entries!

Til Tomorrow!

Srirachoy Is Here!

The time has FINALLY come!!!!! My sauce is finally available!!!!!! It all still feels like a dream! I don’t think it will feel real until im in the kitchen this weekend making up my first giant batch!!! I cannot thank everyone enough for seeing me through this entire process and always having my back! I can’t wait to see where this takes us!

You can purchase a jar on my new website! http://www.Srirachoy.com

If you don’t know about Srirachoy yet, It’s a low carb/keto friendly sauce that I have created! It’s a sweet and spicy combination suitable for meats and veggies! I’ve seen folks use it as a dipping sauce, dressings, etc.  It’s possibilities are only limited to your imagination!

Zucchini Gratin

I’m pretty sure that you could make anything with Gratin at the end of it and it would be a masterpiece.  Matt was eating some Au Gratin potatoes the other day and I was quite jealous. So this is when I decided to TAKE BACK MY LIFE AND GRATIN SOME DAMN ZUCCHINIS….

What you will need:

2 med/large zucchini

1.5 cups heavy whipping cream

2 tbsp butter

1/2 cup shredded parm cheese

1/2 cup shredded white cheddar

1 tsp garlic powder

1 cup crushed plain pork rinds

Preheat your oven to 400

Start by adding your butter and cream to a medium size pot!img_2496

Let that simmer and cook down.  Once it starts to bubble you can add your cheeses and garlic powder and let it simmer until its thick enough to coat the back of your spatula or spoon. In the meantime, cut up your zucchini into thin slices.

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I put mine into my baking dish as I went to see how much I would need. I initially thought that I would need 3-4 zucchini, but I ended up only needing 2.

After that I added my zucchini to the pot with the sauce to cook them a little bit before heading to the oven! I let them cook on medium heat for 8 mins!

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After that add your mixture to your baking dish and top with your crushed pork rinds and a little bit extra cheese if you like.  Sadly I forgot to take a pic of that step, as I was apparently very anxious to get this into the oven.

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I baked this on the bottom rack for 25 mins! Make sure to watch it as oven temps and times vary; just bake until the top is brown and the mixture is nice and bubbly!

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And as you pull this out of the oven I promise you that Angels will sing ❤

Enjoy!

Low Carb Alfredo Sauce

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If you follow my Instagram then you already know how much I love Alfredo sauce.  Plus, it’s ridiculously easy to make without using flour or additional thickeners!

I typically use 1-2 cups of Heavy Whipping Cream, depending on how many people i’m feeding.  1 Cup is usually enough for Matt and myself.  I start off with 2 tbsp of butter in a small sauce pan, melt that until it starts to simmer a little.  Then I add the cream. Turn the heat to medium high and continue to whisk so it doesn’t burn on the bottom. Make sure not to turn your back on it either, it will bubble over in a heart beat! Let that cook and bubble for roughly five minutes and then reduce the heat to a low medium. At this point add your Parmesan cheese.  I have made this a number of ways, and using shredded or shaved parm always turns out the best.  In a pinch I have used the grated kind, you know, the kind you sprinkle over pasta haha.  Don’t get me wrong, it works, but the flavor just isn’t the same.  So use the real cheese, guys! trust me. Add ya some garlic powder; about a small tsp, salt and a generous amount of black pepper.  Let that simmer now for a good ten mins. But still keeping an eye on it and whisking every few mins.  Then reduce to lowest heat and let stand for 5 mins. By this point is should be nice and thick; enough so that it will coat the back of a spoon. Pair with chicken or veggies and enjoy!! I could seriously just eat it straight out of the pan…. which has happened on occasion… it’s THAT good!!!

 

Ingredients:

Heavy whipping cream

butter

garlic powder

salt and pepper

Parmesan cheese

Keto Health Benefits

If you’re new to Keto, just finding out about it or have been living a Ketogenic lifestyle for a while now, you already know about the amazing health benefits Keto has to offer.  I’ve been wanting to make this post for a while now, but kept retaining and gaining info so now i’m just bursting at the seams!

First and foremost, PCOS. It has been a nightmare in my life since I was 11 years old.  At age 14 I was “officially” diagnosed, but even then without a name.  They just told me that I had cysts on my ovaries and would most likely end up with ovarian cancer (since my mother had it) and of course would never have children.  They’re solution was to put me on Birth Control.  Which I will forever regret, and have been against birth control ever since.  I am convinced that the BC only furthered my complications that I was already experiencing.  While on the BC I didn’t have one single period for an entire year. Which was then followed by additional medication to make me HAVE a period.  At age 17 they wanted to give me a hysterectomy, which we of course said NO WAY and I went to find a new doctor.  So fast forward a few years; having horrible periods, missing time out of school, abnormal paps, etc.  Went all through my twenties only have 2-3 periods per year. Since being on Keto I am approaching a full year of normal, monthly periods.  I still have not been able to conceive (naturally and medically) but we haven’t lost hope.  With the help of Keto, I really believe that we will have the family that we desire.

Last year my father was diagnosed with a form of Muscular Dystrophy.  He was so progressed that walking was hard for him, and he couldn’t even hold a cup in one hand. It broke my heart seeing him lose so much of his mobility.  So! Research began.  I put him on a strict Keto diet and over the next two month, he regained ALL of his mobility, as if it has never happened.  He and my mother now live an 80/20 lifestyle, and while some of his symptoms have returned, he is still a thousand times better than he was prior to Keto. It was seriously remarkable to watch him get better and better.

Before starting Keto I made appointments with both my family doctor and my gyno. Had blood work panels done and such to be able to compare later on. Both of my doctors were all for me starting a Ketogenic lifestyle. My first blood work results were horrible. I was on the verge of diabetes.  I honestly was not surprised. But at my last screening at the beginning of this year, all of my levels are perfectly normal and diabetes is no longer a threat.

So many things in my life have changed because of Keto.  My skin has cleared up, my PCOS symptoms are completely gone.  Not just having normal periods now; no more weird hair growth. I don’t lose hair anymore, and i’m finally starting to lose my “inner tube” body shape. I also have a gluten intolerance, so cutting out ALL of that stuff has obviously made a difference as well.

If you’ve been considering starting a Low Carb or Ketogenic lifestlye, do it. Do it TODAY. You can potentially get your self off diabetic medication, high blood pressure medication, etc. The list goes on and on. It will truly be the best decision you’ve ever made for yourself.

Lemon Blueberry Cheesecake

What you will need ❤

For the crust:

  • 1 /2 stick of butter (I used Kerry Gold; used 1/4 of the block)
  • 1/2 Cup Almond Flour
  • 2 tbsp Sweetener of your choosing (I used granular Stevia)

For the Cheesecake:

  • 2 8oz blocks of cream cheese
  • 3/4 cup sweetener
  • 2 Tbsp Torani Sugar Free Vanilla Syrup
  • 2 packets of True Lemon (can be found at walmart near the sweeteners)
  • 2 eggs
  • Blueberries (optional)

You will need cupcake liners if you want to make individual cheesecakes, but it can also be done in a normal pie pan.

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees! 

Begin by melting your butter and mixing your crust ingredients.  Add a TSP amount to each cupcake liner.  Press with your finger or utensil.

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Bake these by themselves for 5 mintues! Set aside to cool and deflate while you mix the filling.

I heated my two blocks of cream cheese in the microwave for 30 sec intervals and mixing in between until it was all soft and shiny. With my electric hand mixer I mixed the cream cheese and sweetener together first to dissolve it better. Then added remaining ingredients minus the blueberries.

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The crust will look like little cookies after they have fallen and had a chance to cool. Fill each cup with 2 TBSP of filling. This is where you will add your blueberries on top if you feel so inclined.  But you should… because it’s delicious and compliments the lemon so perfectly 🙂

Bake at 350 for 25 mins or until the tops start to brown!  Let them cool for 10-15 mins (if you can stand it) while the tops fall slightly and the crust hardens.  It makes it easier to remove the wrapper if they’re cooled.

After they were cooled I stored them in a container and kept them in the fridge over night. They were so good while they were warm, but having it the next morning while the fridge made them firm was even better.  The carb content I calculated came out to 2g each. I hope you all enjoy this recipe!

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