Ramble 

I realize just how much time I spend criticizing myself in my head. 
So much that I can’t even focus on what’s in front of me. Why are you like this? Why can’t you manage your weight like you used to? You’re disgusting. You’re a disappointment. Why did you wear this outfit today, you look horrible. You look fat. Sit up straight. Why are you slouching. It makes you look fatter. Stop thinking about shit that happened forever ago. It doesn’t matter anymore. But wait, it does matter. Concentrate on what they’re saying to you. Don’t tune them out. Pay attention. Ask a question. Show them you’re paying attention. Stop slouching. Did you remember to answer that email? Fuck. Answer that email. Why didn’t you take your meds today? Take them when you get home. Where is your motivation. Why are you so unhappy. 

I live inside my mind. 

I feel like I’ve missed out on so much in life. I thought meds were supposed to help me with that. I feel let down in a way. 

But I press on. Willing myself to take them at the proper times each day. Hell, sometimes just willing myself to take them at all. Patterns just aren’t my thing apparently. 

The internet is a scary place. I used to feel so free and happy about posting things or talking about certain things about myself to friends and vice versa. we were all just forming friendships and support; Building a family. But now I feel nervous sometimes to open back up like that. The feeling in the back of my head that you’re just being judged. It sucks to think you can’t please everyone. Like it’s my own shortcoming. I just want everyone to be good. 

I just want to have fun again. I’m tired of things always being so serious. My journey was so much easier that way. I stayed on track more. Creating recipes excited me. I wasn’t as depressed. I had a purpose. Now I just feel like a nuisance. 

So you say, alright. This is it. I’m gonna take a break for a little while. Go be ME. But seriously what the fuck does that even mean. Sure, I have way too many hobbies but my passion IS where I choose to put it most. But how does that define? I live with this overwhelming feeling that something is missing. But can never quite figure it out. But the internet gives me gratitude sometimes. Often gives me joy. So we all come back. It’s become a psychological drug. 

Hi, if you’ve made it this far and you’re new here? Hello, I live with depression, high anxiety and I’m bipolar. PCOS and gluten intolerant. We all have our shit I guess. 

Are you uncomfortable now? 

It’s ok, I am too. 

I think I change my hair so much because I’m waiting for that right color that makes me feel complete. Confident even. The adventure is fun though. The never ending search for contentment. 

How do you get that fire back. How do you stop feeling like a failure. How do I get myself to stop getting up and eating cereal in the middle of the night. I feel like a brick wall that’s been smashed into by a speeding car. Oh wait… bad analogy. But still time consuming to reconstruct. I need to reconstruct. 

I need to reconstruct. 

Strawberry Cheesecake Mini-Pie’s

Crust 

1 cup almond flour 

2.5 tbsp butter (melted) 

1 tsp sweetener (I used 3 packets because it was all I had on hand) You can use whatever sweetener your prefer. 


*Melt butter in the micro for 30 secs and then mix together with the almond flour and sweetener until it forms a soft meal texture!


**Tip– I used small glazed stoneware bowls and to avoid cracking the glaze, go ahead and pat the crust into the bowls and put them in the oven and then turn it on to 350 and let the bowls preheat with the oven** 


*After the oven preheats, bake the crust for 15 mins! 


Filling

1 sugar free jello pudding packet; cheesecake flavor 

1 cup milk

1/5 cup heavy whipping cream 

*Mix together all ingredients until the pudding sets; pop into the fridge to thicken while the crust bakes. 

*After the crust has cooled you can fill them with the pudding mixture!


* I then heated up 2 tbsp sugar free strawberry jam to mix into the top of the pie! 




Enjoy! 🙂

**Sorry about the use of the milk, for my keto friends. I knew it wouldn’t set properly using just the cream. I am though going to experiment with a cream and water mixture next time, so we shall see how that turns out!**
Per one pie: 24.5g carb, 9g sugar, 14g dietary fiber 

Spinach Balls 

It seems that every yummy recipe calls for bread crumbs.  So I had the idea to make some out of almond flour while simultaneously using up a bag of spinach before it passed it prime.  The result was quite glorious…. 

What you will need for the “Bread Crumbs” — 

2/3 cup almond flour 

2 tbsp melted butter (I used Kerry Gold) 

*mix both together until crumb like texture; bake at 350 for 20 mins – stir; bake for additional 10 mins.  Set aside to cool and “dry” out. 

What you will need for the Spinach Balls — 

6 cups fresh spinach leaves 

3 eggs 

1/2 cup shredded cheese (I’m sure any would be delicious; I chose to use a white Italian blend)

1 tsp garlic powder 

1 tsp seasoning of choice (I used McCormick Montreal Steak seasoning) 

1/2 tsp salt 

& the bread crumb mixture 

*I heated a pan with half a cup of water and wilted down all of the spinach; drained on a paper towel. **make sure to squeeze any remaining water from the spinach before adding it to the other ingredients. I made the rook mistake with half of it before I realized my mistake** 

Combine all ingredients together until mixed completely; use a spoon or cookie scoop to form balls.  Bake at 180 for 20 mins; then raise heat to 350 and bake an additional 15 mins. **baking at the low temp first will help dry them out without burning them** 

These turned out way better than I had anticipated! I mixed up a little dipping sauce too with some sour cream, lemon juice and Montreal seasoning! Enjoy!! 

Srirachoy Is Here!

The time has FINALLY come!!!!! My sauce is finally available!!!!!! It all still feels like a dream! I don’t think it will feel real until im in the kitchen this weekend making up my first giant batch!!! I cannot thank everyone enough for seeing me through this entire process and always having my back! I can’t wait to see where this takes us!

You can purchase a jar on my new website! http://www.Srirachoy.com

If you don’t know about Srirachoy yet, It’s a low carb/keto friendly sauce that I have created! It’s a sweet and spicy combination suitable for meats and veggies! I’ve seen folks use it as a dipping sauce, dressings, etc.  It’s possibilities are only limited to your imagination!

Roasted Cauliflower Soup

I’ll be the first one to tell you how much I hate cauliflower. Like.. HATE it. It’s probably the only vegetable that I don’t like. But! Put cauliflower into mashed form? Love it. So, I was a little skeptical about making a recipe for soup using cauliflower, but in the end I def surprised myself! 

What you will need: 

1 head fresh cauliflower 

2/3 cup heavy whipping cream 

2lb carton of chicken broth (may substitute veggie stock if making it vegetarian. But then you probably wouldn’t use the hwc would you. Well whatever you just do what you want, sweetheart.)

2 cups chopped mushrooms 

1/2 cup chopped red onions 

4oz cream cheese 

1 tsp garlic powder 

Salt/pepper to taste 

Olive oil and paprika 

(Cheese if you are feelin fancy) 

Start by roasting your cauliflower on 425 for 30 mins. I cut the cauli away from the stalk and liberally covered them in olive oil and then sprinkled them lightly with paprika. Trust me on the paprika; it was amazing. 


After they’re done roasting add them to your blender along with the 2/3 cup HWC and 2/3 cup chicken broth (reserve the rest for the soup).  After all that is combined go ahead and add your garlic powder and cream cheese to the blender as well so the CC can melt in with no lumps. Blend until well combined.  Let that mixture sit and thicken as you sautéed your mushrooms and onions in a large pot. Once those are cooked down add the rest of the chicken broth to your pot and add the cauliflower mixture. 

At this point you could add in any additional cheese to the soup to melt and add flavor. I opted not to and just added a little shredded parm cheese to the finished soup. 

Let the soup simmer on low for 10-15 mins! Serve and enjoy!!!! 


I LOVED this soup. Truly, loved it. It reminded me of a creamy potato soup. It was nice and thick and filling! Just what I’ve been wanting this winter. 10/10 would recommend 🙂 

Zucchini Gratin

I’m pretty sure that you could make anything with Gratin at the end of it and it would be a masterpiece.  Matt was eating some Au Gratin potatoes the other day and I was quite jealous. So this is when I decided to TAKE BACK MY LIFE AND GRATIN SOME DAMN ZUCCHINIS….

What you will need:

2 med/large zucchini

1.5 cups heavy whipping cream

2 tbsp butter

1/2 cup shredded parm cheese

1/2 cup shredded white cheddar

1 tsp garlic powder

1 cup crushed plain pork rinds

Preheat your oven to 400

Start by adding your butter and cream to a medium size pot!img_2496

Let that simmer and cook down.  Once it starts to bubble you can add your cheeses and garlic powder and let it simmer until its thick enough to coat the back of your spatula or spoon. In the meantime, cut up your zucchini into thin slices.

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I put mine into my baking dish as I went to see how much I would need. I initially thought that I would need 3-4 zucchini, but I ended up only needing 2.

After that I added my zucchini to the pot with the sauce to cook them a little bit before heading to the oven! I let them cook on medium heat for 8 mins!

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After that add your mixture to your baking dish and top with your crushed pork rinds and a little bit extra cheese if you like.  Sadly I forgot to take a pic of that step, as I was apparently very anxious to get this into the oven.

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I baked this on the bottom rack for 25 mins! Make sure to watch it as oven temps and times vary; just bake until the top is brown and the mixture is nice and bubbly!

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And as you pull this out of the oven I promise you that Angels will sing ❤

Enjoy!

Chocolate Cream Cheese Cake Bars 

These started out as an idea for cookies. Then as I mixed things, my idea turned to brownies. Then after baking, they were cake like haha oh the glory of testing new recipes! But! They are delicious nonetheless. 

What you will need: 

1 8oz block cream cheese

2 eggs 

1/4 tsp baking powder 

2 tbsp vanilla extract 

1/2 cup almond flour 

1 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder 

1 tsp cinnamon 

1/2 cup granular sweetener 

Espresso powder for topping 


Start by combining the cream cheese, sweetener, baking powder and eggs with your hand mixer. 


Mmmmhmmmmm… 


Add the cocoa powder, cinnamon, vanilla, mix; then add the almond flour and mix until thick! 


Poor the mixture into a greased baking dish! 

Bake at 350 for 25 mins; let cool and refrigerate for an hour or more (let it get completely cold and firm). 

Cut into squares and enjoy!! 

2.4g carbs • 1.1g sugar • 0.7g fiber • 4.6g protein 

Makes 9 bars, serving size is 1 bar.